I was just watching a clip from the Expendables, and it reminded me of something I learned when I had my first daughter - Movies lie. I have no reason to doubt what I see in movies. I'm not saying I expect to meet a girl who's afraid to date because her boyfriends spontaneously erupt. Nor do I avoid riding a motorbike across the desert for fear I'll be accidentally sucked into a time portal where I'll unknowingly yet tenderly 'do it' with my great grandmother (Look it up, people! These are quality movies I'm referencing here).
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This one's a bit of a vanity piece, but then aren't they all, really? In case my kids (and wife) are on the bubble about the kind of Father's Day I warrant, here's my brief recap of what I bring to the table. I'm alright. I could be better, but I think I'm better than average. Almost all of these will embarass and shame them once they hit 10, but for now...
- We will always find the lucky parking spot at the zoo. Y'know, the one with the loonie by the front tire.
- I will never figure out where that knocking is coming from.
I was excited the other day to find Choose Your Own Adventure books for younger kids at the library. I loved the originals growing up, and they have a whole series aimed at 5-8 year olds. Lots of pictures, not as many words. We picked out two, headed home, and proceeded to read Ghost Island. Ooh - spooky.
- I'm warming up the idea of a bidet. If someone told me I had crap in my hair I wouldn't rub it for a few seconds with a dry paper towel then go about my day.
- An optimist is just a dyslexic pessimist.
Finally, something to type about other than immortality and the futility of life. I've been a bit tunnel visioned lately. This comes courtesy of an amazing 21st century technology known as Terse Entries Transmitted (tx'd or X'd) Telephonically, or TEXT.
Well, it's been a while since I've posted. I think the problem is, I don't have enough of a life to sustain a blog. Hard to get the blood riled up sitting on my comfy couch zoning out to television. Still, it's been awhile, so let's see...hmm. Ok - This is a tried and true comedy trope. So much it's a bit of a hack in my opinion, but the well's a little dry. Plus, it's never been told with my particular brand of wit and charm. So, yes - let's talk about the differences between kids 1 and 3. This is not to say I love one more or less, it's just...different.
I am glad to be a man. Say it loud, say it proud, thank god I'm not a woman. A female. I don't get it. I feel bad for my daughters and I worry about them. I know guys have their hang ups. I'd like to say we're all just jocks and Poindexters with a few metalheads thrown in for good measure, but if The Breakfast Club teaches us anything, it's that we're all 'real' inside. Still, that is nothing compared to the monumentally screwed up system that is femaledom. I will sum it up in one sentence. Are you ready? Here it is:
My daughter's dress zips up from behind.
Let's wrap up the week with a little something about me. You've read the blog, you may have seen the man, but does anyone know the enigma? I've been thinking a lot about identity lately. What with the courses I recently took trying to label people in broad categories, and the seeming willigness of the others to be classified. There must be similarities, sure, but can any of us really be painted with the same brush? So, in the spirit of openness, here's my own fun little quiz..Answer honestly, then compare your results to mine. Ready? Here we go:
Apparently, I'm a rebel and I didn't even know it. The focus of the course I've been on lately, are on identifying you. Are you an introverted feeling teacher, an extroverted judger, etc. I, as usual, was split down the middle. I was high on the logical vs feeling, which I'm fine with, but the other categories were split down the middle. Even in high school it was like that. I remember being equally suited to being an embalmer or a jet pilot. When it came time to talk about the value of these, I said, I don't put much stock in them.
There's kind of a three headed rant in my brain. I recently attended a few days of 'higher education' and it stirred up a few issues. Conformity, individuality, reality, accountability, adding-ity-to-wordity....let's start with, oh, accountability. I know I'm not the first to harp on this but really, can't anyone be wrong anymore? Can't anyone screw up? I thought it was perhaps limited to kids but it's not.