If I Ever

After watching a show that shall remain nameless, I just want to make this quick plea for your help and compassion.

If I ever leave your side, take a cab to the airport, go through security, spend 8-10 hours in flight, disembark, head to my destination, clear party security and mingle for a few minutes, only to have you say "Look in your inside left pocket", at which point I find a ring box the size of my daughter's fist that I had no clue was in there the entire time  - please, get me to a doctor. A neurologist, a pyschologist, I don't know.  I've obviously gone numb from the waist up and lost all visual perception.

"What? This apple-sized box with hard corners in my tightly fit slim jacket? How did that get there?!"

Heck, even if the jacket went in my luggage and I'd only been wearing it from the hotel, through the car ride, past party security, and around the grounds as I mingled and had a drink  - any amount of time to not notice this GIANT BULGE jabbing me in the ribs, is too much. I beg you. Make me see a doctor.

Huh. You know, when I say it that way, it doesn't sound so odd. I've had to spend my life tuning out a giant bulge in my front pocket. I'd go mad if I didn't...still, that only rarely jabs me in the ribs. Hmm. Nevermind.