Scanning the Cosmos

I was in the check out line today and noticed Cosmo offering up "50 ways to seduce a man in a minute or less". Fifty? Why?  Here's four guaranteed ways right off the top of my head. 1. Exist. 2. Look at him. 3. Make contact in any way, even if it's to pull noodles off his t-shirt. And if he's really playing hard to get, there's always - 4. Look at him and say "Wanna?".

Unless they're talking about seducing a total stranger, a married man, someone playing for the other team or in a coma, fifty is WAY too much effort. In fact, forget everything I just wrote. You can seduce a man in under a minute simply by having that Cosmo on your table. Here, now, is an exclusive first hand look into the male thought process. It goes a little like:
 
  "I'm sitting, I'm hungry, I'm kinda nervo - are those boobs? Oh, words. A magazine. Cosmo. Nice. 'How to seduce..." Awesome. This didn't spontaneously appear. She made a conscious decision to purchase this. She wants to seduce a man. I'm a man. I'm here. She wants to seduce me! Wait'll I tell my buddies."

And, bingo. We're good to go. And if we misunderstood, 5 minutes with the magazine'll do.