This one's a bit of a vanity piece, but then aren't they all, really? In case my kids (and wife) are on the bubble about the kind of Father's Day I warrant, here's my brief recap of what I bring to the table. I'm alright. I could be better, but I think I'm better than average. Almost all of these will embarass and shame them once they hit 10, but for now...
- We will always find the lucky parking spot at the zoo. Y'know, the one with the loonie by the front tire.
- I will never figure out where that knocking is coming from.
- I will never realize that my tea is always poisoned.
- I will never cure my tendency to sleepwalk through an imaginary day.
- Songs can be removed from your head by a variety of methods, but they are almost certainly all contagious.
- The best stories are not in books.
- Work will never come first, second, or third.
- There is no 'Ar' word that cannot be turned into a pirate joke
- There is no errand that cannot be turned into an urgent space mission
- There is no Free <Widget> Day that cannot be turned into an event
- "What is the deal with coffee? It's not a cough, and it's not a fee!" etc.
- "One two three four, five fingers all a wigglin'....'"
- Construction paper super heroes.
- Yes, I did forget which direction my clothes go on.
- Yes, I would love to turn a dvd into a trip to Dompe Theatre, supper into dinner at The Old Dompe Factory, and breakfast into McDompe's.
- If they want to be a princess, fine (Ryan included). They can also help me drywall and learn how to properly ground a 15amp split-receptacle kitchen counter plug.
- It's not about what they will remember in 20 years. It's about right now.
As for the ones they may disagree with:
- There is only one supper, and you will eat it.
- There has only ever had one baby in the house at any one time. If you aren't in a diaper then you can wipe your own bum, pick up your own toys, tighten your own sandals...you get the idea.
- I will show you how to find the edge pieces of a puzzle, I will show you how I search for a word in Word Search, and I will tell you how I make a collage. I will do none of them for you.
- It is not a WahWah bottle, horsie, fishie, or weewee.
- Bedtime is non-negotiable. At certain milestones you get certain permissions. End of discussion.
- If it's a bug, flick it; if it's dirt, brush it off; if it's a booger, get a kleenex. None of them require hysterics or my intervention.