Happy Anniversary

It's that time again. I've been lobbying every year and it's still not on the calendar, but you all know it's here. I can't think 'Happy Anniversary' without hearing Barney and Fred serenade Wilma (that's right, I said Barney & Fred, not the reverse. Deal with it). It's stuck in my head like an icepick to the brain. And speaking of icepicks to the brain...Happy Anniversary to my wonderful wife! As the classic Abbott & Costello routine goes: "Can you tell me how many years you've been married?" Nein! "C'mon, just tell me" Nein! "Jerk". I don't know why I love shouting "Nein!", but I do. You married this. Seriously though, now is not a time for jokes. Now is a time for quiet reflection, for a heartfelt outpouring of emotion and feeling. I am not one of those guys afraid to get gooey (if you know what I'm sayin'). We're gettin' gooey, woo woo. Gettin' gooey, wah wah... Sorry, where was I. I got distracted. My wife was being all sweet and chatty and I finally had to yell at her to leave me alone for 10 minutes so I could write this letter about how much I love and res - aww, crap. Does that count as ironic? Anyway. Train of thought, train of thought. Thank-you, for NEIN! wonderful years. Thank-you for all your love and support. Thank-you for finding a way to be alright with my genius, not jealous. For being happy I get better looking with age, not bitter. For feeling proud of my legendary prowess, not inadequate. Thank-you for bearing with me those times I've been mildly less than endearing. I know it had to be shocking the first time it happened, roughly 4 years in. I remember it clearly. I deliberately didn't pull your chair out for you, and the origami rose I made out of the napkin was sloppy at best. And that second time, a couple months back when I burned all your clothes and plastered your facebook account with horrible obscenities. But we made it through, and we're all the stronger for it. Oh how we laugh. For your gift, I didn't want to give in to crass materialism. I hate living in a world that says you must buy your wife diamonds. A world that says you'd rather adorn yourself in shiny trinkets than watch the happiness that a new TV brings me (sarcastic, but you kinda agree). We will build a better future for our daughters. Instead, what you've always loved about me, is my humour. My wit. My YCMU. So, I give you the gift of YCMU. You pick the movie, anything you want. The Crow, Buckaroo Banzai, Big Trouble in Little China. You pick, and I will provide 90 to 100 minutes of my most insightful, hilarious, commentary. I don't want to sway your opinion, but the Highlander comes with my amazing Connor Macleod impression. I love you, Shannon. We've always clicked. You are my inspiration for everything I've done since the day we met. I know I'm not easy to live with. I used to spend nights obsessing over every possible outcome to every possible trivial task. You made me believe it would all work out. You believe in me, you encourage me. I am incredibly lucky to have you. From the Scrabble on our wedding day to the bottle of Coke you just brought me, you know me. I look forward to the next nine years together. Nein!